We decided to do another joint post because we felt that this was a special experience and we wanted to share our own perspectives. Here is the same topic, written first by Jesslyn, then by Jake. Enjoy!
Jesslyn:
Over the years Jake and I have both developed an interest in meditation. We’ve heard of its benefits: improved health, lower stress levels, increased creativity and productivity, a happier daily existence, etc. We’ve also heard about successful people who practice meditation: Steve Jobs, Clint Eastwood, Jerry Seinfeld, Gwyenth Paltrow, Ariana Huffington, Oprah Winfrey, Rupert Murdoch, Paul McCartney, Howard Stern, Ellen DeGeneres, Marc Beniof, Russell Simmons….ok...you get the point!
While living in Brooklyn, my book club read “Thrive”, by Arianna Huffington. She is the cofounder and editor-in-chief of the Huffington Post Media Group, one of the fastest growing media companies in the world. Her book discuses how incorporating meditation into her daily routine changed her life and brought her more happiness and success. For more on her and her story, start here.
When we met to discuss the book, my friend Ana invited someone to lead us in a guided meditation. This was my first time meditating and I found it relaxing. For about a week after that, I began each day with a 10 minute guided meditation at home, alone, sitting on the couch. I used a free App called Headspace. I only lasted a week because I found my mind wandering too much and didn’t quite feel any benefits. The practice stopped but my overall interest did not.
As Jake and I brainstormed about the experiences we wanted to have on our trip around the world, we both agreed that we wanted to participate in some sort of a meditation retreat. We thought that Southeast Asia would be a great place for it as we’ve heard that meditation is a large part of daily life for many people in the region. I began to do general research on offerings in English and was finding information on 10 day retreats which were in complete silence. Luckily we both agreed that this was too intense of a starting point and I was able to find something that we both thought seemed right for us. We signed up for a three day retreat outside of Bangkok with the Middle Way Meditation Institute. We didn’t know what to expect other than having a basic idea of the agenda, and that men and women slept in different quarters. We signed up in late September so I had about 6 weeks to think about what was ahead. I was most curious about who would be there with us. Other Westerners? Mostly Thai? Mostly from SE Asia? Old people? Young people? I was also curious about how many people there would be and if I’d have my own room, a room with one other woman, or a huge room with lots of bunkbeds. I was worried about two things: being hungry and not having air conditioning. I’m pretty much always hungry and information provided ahead of time clearly stated that there would be breakfast, followed by lunch around 11:30. No dinner. That is kind of a terrifying thought for me. As far as my need for AC, I’m not super tolerant to hot temperatures and even in the dry season here in Thailand, it easily hits 90 degrees F on a daily basis. No AC would probably mean no sleep for me. As far as the meditation, I anticipated that it would be very hard for me considering that my mind is pretty much always in maximum overdrive. But I was ok with that because it was only for three days and I was very open to learning how to meditate.
The meeting point was a Buddhist temple about 90 minutes north of Bangkok. When we arrived there were three welcome packets on the table. Three welcome packets = big surprise, as we were expecting more. And...the third person didn’t show up! Surprise, surprise - private meditation retreat for Jesslyn and Jake! We kind of couldn’t believe it. I think we were disappointed but also like, “well ok, this should mean we get a lot of extra help!”. From there we were brought to the meditation center which was about a mile away. The rooms were very basic, dorm style rooms that could accommodate three people. I’m happy to report that they had working AC. :) On the morning of day 2 we were joined by a dentist from Suriname (a small country on the Northeast coast of South America). He was on his way to South Korea for training and stopped in Thailand for the retreat. He was a meditation novice like us and it was nice to have another person in our group.
Our 3-day retreat agenda was pretty full. Among the small staff were three Buddhist teaching monks and several volunteers. We were taught that the goal of meditation is to achieve a still mind which will lead to inner peace. The mind, like the body, is its own entity. Think about how we treat our body - we cleanse it and strengthen it. What do we do for the mind? We must also cleanse and strengthen the mind and this can be achieved through daily meditation.
Each main session was led by a monk and included time of meditation, typically 20-40 minutes, as well as a lesson. Our meditation time was sometimes guided, sometimes started with soft music, and sometimes was in complete silence for the entirety. While we were taught the proper meditation position of sitting on the ground in the half lotus position, we were encouraged to sit however we were comfortable. For us that typically meant sitting in a chair. Sitting for so long in that position hurt - we really need to do yoga! In order to have stillness of the mind, one must be completely relaxed so this of course starts with being comfortable. What is a good meditation session? That is going to be different for everyone. What matters is that the individual feels that it was a good meditation session. It’s important to document your sessions so that you can refer to what worked and what didn’t work, etc.
We had a total of 10 meditation opportunities at the retreat. During the 5th one I had many consecutive moments of stillness - no thoughts. With the active mind that I have, I had genuinely never thought that that would ever happen for me - ever. After relaxing my body, focusing on my center, recalling happy memories (all things we had been instructed to try), I saw a brightness, several images, and many moments of absolute stillness. I never wanted that meditation session to end. It was a feeling like I’ve never had before and I can’t wait to have it again. Hopefully I will. During most meditation sessions so far I have lots of thoughts butting in and the session feels like forever, I can’t wait for it to end. This is all normal and only through practice can one get better at it.
As far as the lessons, from my perspective, they focused on topics that center around becoming a better person: the power of giving and expecting nothing in return, the power of positive thinking, the act of living in the present and not focusing on the past. Basic concepts really, but not always that easy in practice. Living by these beliefs will make you a happier person.
Our teaching monks had very interesting backgrounds. All three of them had spent time living in the U.S. and were highly educated - two with degrees in information technology. If you had asked me before this retreat, I absolutely never would have expected a monk to have an IT degree and work history. Two of the monks were in their 30s and one was 71. They spoke to us a bit about Buddhism, but the meditation experience was very clearly geared to someone in any religion. By no means did you need to subscribe to Buddhism to benefit from the lessons and they were not trying to convert you to their belief system. I don’t know what I expected, but I was surprised to be trained in Powerpoint and with many videos. The videos were awesome. These two videos really touched my soul, please take the time to watch them:
- Give
Those videos make me happy and sad. Most of all, they make me want to be a better person.
During the first day of our retreat, several different volunteers and monks asked us if we’d join them in a special festival that evening. When they asked us, you could hear the excitement in their voices and see it in their faces. You could feel that this was in fact something really special. They explained that it was very unique for the festival to land on a day while we were with them. The festival was called Loi Krathong and is only celebrated once annually throughout southwestern Tai cultures. We said of course we’d join! The name Loi Krathong can be translated as "to float a basket", and comes from the tradition of making krathong or buoyant, decorated baskets, which are then floated on a river, canal, pond, etc. The krathong is typically made from a banana leaf tree and decorated with banana leaves, flowers, candles, and incense. The festival takes place on the evening of the full moon of the 12th month in the traditional Thai lunar calendar when the water level is high and the climate is cool. Some believe that it’s a symbolic event to “float away” and let go of all one's anger, grudges, and hatred. On the night of the full moon, Thais launch their krathong on a body of water, making a wish as they do so. More info and pictures regarding the tradition. Most of Thailand is actually celebrating this on November 25th but for some reason the community we were in was celebrating it early.
They gave Jake and I traditional Thai clothing to wear and together we drove with two volunteers a short way to where the festival was taking place. When we arrived, the people who had organized the festival were very excited to see Jake and me. None of them spoke English but you could tell by their expressions and the amount of pictures they were taking of us. Through translation they asked the two of us to be in their (short) opening parade. How could we say no? They gave us krathongs that they had made and we joined the procession at the front behind three young girls. We couldn’t stop smiling because the entire experience was so bizarre and fun.
Photo courtesy of Pintusorn Suttiponpisarn
The festival lasted less than two hours and after the parade a woman dressed in fancy Thai costume performed a traditional dance. Then there were several speeches and blessings. Most of it was in Thai but a few things were also translated into English. I counted three other Western-looking people in the crowd. Once the blessings were completed the sun had set and fireworks were set off. The fireworks were set off far too close for comfort and we were happy that we had recently purchased travel insurance! They asked us to light the fireworks and I said “thanks but no way!”. The highlight of the overall event was a procession by everyone at the festival, approximately 150 people. At the front were 15 monks, each holding a lighted candle or a krathong. They slowly walked around a lighted pool while lovely music played in the background. The rest of us walked behind them, each holding our lighted krathong. We all walked slowly around the perimeter of the pool, smiling and excited for what was to come. Once the monks had finished walking around the entire length of the pool, they released their lighted floating candles into the pool. Then the rest of us followed. It was quite a sight and a very special even to be part of.
Photo courtesy of Pintusorn Suttiponpisarn
The staff were amazing. Most of our time was spent with four mentors and at other times we were joined by a few more as well as the four woman volunteer kitchen crew. These women donate their time to cook breakfast and lunch for the meditation students and were so sweet. They also created our beautiful krathongs for the festival. I had wondered who would be learning to meditate with us, but I had never thought about who else we’d get to know. It was really special to socialize with them over meals and breaks and have the opportunity to learn more about Thai culture, cuisine and meditation. My concern about the food dissipated after the first meal - it was delicious and plentiful! You could tell that happy people made our food with a lot of love. The lack of an evening meal did not matter. My favorite dishes they prepared were Thai chicken soup, fresh passionfruit juice, Pad Mee and Tom Yum soup. The Tom Yum was a bit spicy for me but I was happy that I tried it. Their cooking was far superior than any of the other meals I’ve had in Thailand so far.
Now the real challenge begins: incorporating the lessons I’ve learned into my everyday life. This includes meditating everyday. I take the time to shower everyday and clean my body, so I feel like I owe it to myself to do the same for my mind. After this retreat experience, I feel like a lighter, happier person and I don’t want to let go of that….so I’m going to give it my best effort!
~ Jesslyn
Jake:
I became interested in mediation after reading and listening to podcasts by Sam Harris. He is an author with a PhD in neuroscience and wrote a book about spirituality without religion in which meditation plays a big role. I also thought it would be good for Jesslyn since she has a difficult time sleeping because her mind is always running, often with worry. Since meditation is a significant part of the culture here in southeast Asia, we thought it would be a good location to give it a try and signed up for a three day retreat a little north of Bangkok.
We didn't know ahead of time, but the organization that runs the retreat is affiliated with a Buddhist temple and the sessions are led by monks. We were the first to show up at the temple to sign in and there were only three packets of handouts. Wow, very small group. Then, the third person is a no-show. OK, just the two of us. I guess I can’t hide in the back of the class. The "temple" itself is a campus and the first building you see looks like a giant golden flying saucer. I couldn't help but wonder if they worship aliens.
A little, open-air shuttle bus took us out behind the temple to a secluded compound surrounded by a canal on two sides and tall grass on the others. As we were going in, they let us know that we shouldn't wander around outside the compound because of the snakes, then someone else said not to leave the compound because of the dogs. If they offered us Kool-Aid, I was ready to make a break for it and take my chances with the poisonous and rabid animals. Well, it turns out that my initial impressions were way off, not 100% off, but 95% off. At our first session, we were happy to hear the teaching monk explain that anyone can meditate and get benefit from it regardless of religious beliefs, culture, race, nationality, etc. OK, good, so we don’t have to join a cult. Phew.
The sessions with the monks blurred the lines of meditation and Buddhism. I didn’t mind because it was fascinating to learn about a religion I knew nothing about. It was inevitable because, for the monks, meditation is such a huge part of their religion, they can’t separate the two. We learned that meditation is about finding inner peace, and in order to have that, you also need to be a good person. OK, makes sense. No killing, stealing, adultery, lying, or intoxication. I figure 4 out of 5 ain’t bad. We also learned that we need to be generous and do good things for others. I agree, and I can do a better job of that certainly.
So the official lessons weren’t too weird, but we did also learn more about what they really believe just through unofficial conversation. Good deeds earn you merits, which you collect throughout your lives (that's not a typo, lives, not life). The soul takes the merits with it after death and into the next reincarnated life. Eventually, if you collect enough merits, and can meditate at the highest level possible, you become enlightened. At that point, you are not reincarnated upon death, but instead your soul goes to nirvana. I suppose it isn’t any stranger than the belief that each soul goes directly to an eternal paradise (or hell fire). The real strange stuff is what they believe can be accomplished through meditation here on earth if you are enlightened, such as recalling memories from past lives, seeing the future, or even telepathy.
At the very end of the retreat, we were given a tour of the temple. It is actually a 1000 acre campus which houses over 3000 residents including 2000 monks. I already mentioned the UFO temple, but there are actually 2 of those. One of which is covered with hundreds of thousands of foot tall golden Buddhas and sits inside of an enormous stadium-like structure which can hold 1 million people. So far, they have only had 500,000 people at a time, but they are planning ahead. People from all over gather there to pay respect to Buddha and to meditate together. Thier goal is world peace. Exactly how world peace is accomplished through meditation, I am not sure, but it is a worthy goal. Jesslyn thinks it means that if everyone lives by Buddhist teachings, such as generosity and inner peace through meditation, whether or not you are technically a Buddhist, that would lead to a world with less violence and more peace.
Don't get the wrong impression, the retreat was really wonderful. None of the religious stuff was pushed on us or even presented in a formal way. We didn't feel uncomfortable. It is a really important part of their lives, so it is natural for it to come up in conversation while spending a few days with them. Also, I am not an expert in Buddhism, so don't take this to mean all Buddhists believe the same thing. We learned that there are different Buddhist sects, and each of them have their own method of meditation. All of the staff was super friendly and we had the opportunity to socialize with them and learn about Thai life and culture, which was just as valuable to me. We were also very fortunate to be there during the local Loi Krathong festival. Jesslyn and I borrowed some traditional Thai clothes and walked in a short procession with the children. After a few speeches, some traditional dance, and blessings by the monks, we lit fireworks and released floating, decorated baskets with candles into the pool. This symbolized the releasing of our anger and negative thoughts. The staff at the retreat handmade the baskets, or krathong, from the stalk of a banana tree and decorated with banana leaves and flowers.
Has meditation changed my life? No. But I do like it, and plan to stick with it. I understand that it is something that takes a lot of time and practice to really see significant benefits. One of the monks told us that he didn't enjoy meditation for the first seven years of doing it. I would like to learn more about meditation from a non-Buddhist teacher. In the few days since the retreat we also tried an app called Headspace, which I really like and will continue to use. The idea is to "still the mind", or in other words, stop thinking. It sounds easy, but it's not, and you may might be thinking, "Jake, you do that all the time".
Photo courtesy of Pintusorn Suttiponpisarn
- Jake